i love accidental penises.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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