okay pat passed out under dana's car
you would pick up someone in the library
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
