What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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