Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
