I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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