I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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