He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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