That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
