Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
