Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
