Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
