ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
