I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
