she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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