Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
