I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
