You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
