When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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