so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
