i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
