TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
