Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
