ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
