i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
