i jhust puked up my retainher.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
