After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
