I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
