oh god the rape fog is back!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
