You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
