I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I lost the right to judge tonight
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
