Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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