Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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