Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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