2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
