I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
