Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
