I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
