she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
