My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
