90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
