Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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