my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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