I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
