ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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