She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
