Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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