farters have to be the big spoon...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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