I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
