walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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