i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
