ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
