we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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