someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
