guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
