My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
