The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
