are you still at the devil's house?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
