I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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