You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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