omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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