community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
