were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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