We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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