That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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