Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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