Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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