I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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