did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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