there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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