You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
