Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
