as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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