i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
