Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
