your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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