The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
