If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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